Completed home

ColorMeIn · Feb 23, 2022

Apologies, I discovered some game-breaking bugs in the final chapter while playtesting and have updated the downloads!
Please redownload the game in order to fix these bugs.

Ekat · Jun 1, 2022

Hey! I've been meaning to write up a comment on this thread for a while! I finally sat myself down and took the time to do that. It took me a while to figure out how to categorize my thoughts, hopefully it's not too scattered.

Grammar/Syntax

The game's grammar and syntax was good! There were no major errors that I noticed.

To speak to your note on Orion's vocabulary, yeah, I agree. With the prose sections, you wouldn't expect a kid to be using words like, "pitch, dissipate, etc." They could definitely be tweaked to have a more childish perspective than they currently do. But, at the same time, Orion's vocabulary wasn't something I found too distracting. I believe that's partially because, during a first read-through, you don't know exactly who Orion is at first, beyond that they are "young."

Themes

Ok, so, I am an absolute sucker for themes of home and found family. Every fangame I make somehow integrates those sorts of themes in them, there's no escape. If you let me, I could ramble about the main cast and the family aspects for the remainder of the post. That's how I got pointed to this game, actually. I had other friends who played it and they immediately went, "I know exactly who would love this."

I'll try to limit myself, instead.

I'm torn between saying I wanted to see more of the family dynamic/what makes a home theme and praising how you did so much with so little. I guess that's a good thing, in the end, because I enjoyed those aspects.

The game's writing & graphics are very lean, but still very effective at the same time. You were clearly able to communicate the personalities and histories of the characters, without falling into heavy exposition. Just a simple line was able to communicate so much. (Like Onyx & Abel's relationship, for example.)

That's not to say exposition moments aren't good. The reveal of Abel's backstory, for example, was well-placed. It came at a fitting time in the game. It also has some of my favorite lines in the game, just because there's so much to unpack and digest. Even the little turns of phrase allude back to Orion & Nova's situation. I talk about it a little more in the "Misc Lines" section.

Characters

Home has awesome characterization! You have a very strong "show, don't tell" policy going on for the cast. Onyx is the best example of this. While seyr caring attributes are very upfront, seyr lack of self-worth/self-sacrificing nature is only alluded to through most of the story. I believe the only two points where it is clearly stated are during Abel's backstory, and with the reveal of seyr plan at the end. Otherwise, you just catch that side in little glimpses.

("I will burn up along with it.")
("A friend? Other than me? You know you can just tell me the truth... I won't judge."/ "Are you trying to imply that I couldn't possibly have friends other than yourself? The nerve!)
("(I) give Prof. Onyx a hug." / "Sey seems to tense under my touch,{w} but sey quickly relaxes, slowly returning the hug as if sey isn't sure what to do.")

(Picking out these lines, it also made me realize that there's an extra layer to this - Seyr is perfectly fine with Abel making jokes about not being friends/not caring about them. Nothing in seyr behavior seems to suggest that it makes seraph uncomfortable. Sey don't seem very good at hiding when sey feel hurt/worried, so I'm leaning to them at least feeling comfortable with Abel to tease in that way.

That's just a quick example to drive my point home, though. The character writing is strong!

Misc Favorite Lines

"Um... Hoopa also thinks you three are a family!" - Made my heart melt.

"Allehooparing" - Also great. I'm also a sucker for puns.

"She was, of course, furious, and stormed out of the house after a helping of pancakes." - Love little details like Magearna still having pancakes before leaving. Guess they must have healing properties.

"The local Pokemon had thought its source to be from some terrible creature and steered clear of us..." - I love this line because the player now knows that Marshadow do have this terrible reputation around them. But in this case, the scream is not out of danger/it being a perceived threat, but just heartbreak...

"This starts up another exchange between Abel and Mx. Onyx that lasts several minutes until I can't help but burst out into soft giggles." - I love this line because I thought "oooh, old married couple vibes" and immediately after, Orion says the exact same thing

"I'd go so far as to say Onyx and I have grown up together. We're a bit like siblings in that way." - I found this line interesting. I think it's stated pretty clearly toward the end of the game (at least in the bad ending) that the more accurate description is "dearest love." However, I feel like there's a lot of power in the sibling interpretation as well. You've got these two who have grown up together and fought to survive against a hostile world. Then, you see the same thing happening with Nova and Orion, surviving despite the abuse they face, and ultimately being separated in all of the endings. (I assume, even in the true ending, they'd still wind up in foster care.) There's also the potential separation for Onyx & Abel... I don't really know where I'm going with this point, I just think it's a fun parallel, no matter what their relationship is. The mention of "sibling" at this point is just what helped me draw this conclusion.

"Don't you remember what I said... About Abel's family?" & "...Being with Abel made me realize just what a dad is supposed to be like." - These two lines just pair so well together. Chef's kiss.

"And so, I thank you.{w} You are exactly what Abel needed in his life. Thank you for being born." - There is so much to unpack with the Abel backstory, but this line in particular makes me melt and feel cold all at once. You really see Onyx's self-loathing out in full force, here. The Bad Ending demonstrates just how much sey mean to Abel...

"Things changed. It started to feel less like he was my dad... And more like he was my captor." - Again, speaking to those backstory parallels. Love it.

"Astrei Forest seems much brighter as the three of us trek through the wood and underbrush, and I don't think it's only because it's the early morning right now." - It's because when you're with them, you feel like you're at hooooooooomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ;-; Ok, let me write something a little more coherent. I like this point of contrast, because I feel like it's a great way to demonstrate the case you make in your author's notes - home is more about the people than the physical location. In the two, previous major scenes set in the forest, it is established as intimidating/confusing/dangerous. Here, however, it transforms into something more welcoming, thanks to Onyx & Abel.

Overall
I just wanted to say good job with this story! It was an enjoyable read! I even had fun coming through the history while writing this. I picked up on many more details as I did, so I'd definitely recommend this game for multiple playthroughs. (And not just to get all the endings!)

ColorMeIn · Jun 1, 2022

Ekat said:
Hey! I've been meaning to write up a comment on this thread for a while! I finally sat myself down and took the time to do that. It took me a while to figure out how to categorize my thoughts, hopefully it's not too scattered.

Grammar/Syntax

The game's grammar and syntax was good! There were no major errors that I noticed.

To speak to your note on Orion's vocabulary, yeah, I agree. With the prose sections, you wouldn't expect a kid to be using words like, "pitch, dissipate, etc." They could definitely be tweaked to have a more childish perspective than they currently do. But, at the same time, Orion's vocabulary wasn't something I found too distracting. I believe that's partially because, during a first read-through, you don't know exactly who Orion is at first, beyond that they are "young."

Themes

Ok, so, I am an absolute sucker for themes of home and found family. Every fangame I make somehow integrates those sorts of themes in them, there's no escape. If you let me, I could ramble about the main cast and the family aspects for the remainder of the post. That's how I got pointed to this game, actually. I had other friends who played it and they immediately went, "I know exactly who would love this."

I'll try to limit myself, instead.

I'm torn between saying I wanted to see more of the family dynamic/what makes a home theme and praising how you did so much with so little. I guess that's a good thing, in the end, because I enjoyed those aspects.

The game's writing & graphics are very lean, but still very effective at the same time. You were clearly able to communicate the personalities and histories of the characters, without falling into heavy exposition. Just a simple line was able to communicate so much. (Like Onyx & Abel's relationship, for example.)

That's not to say exposition moments aren't good. The reveal of Abel's backstory, for example, was well-placed. It came at a fitting time in the game. It also has some of my favorite lines in the game, just because there's so much to unpack and digest. Even the little turns of phrase allude back to Orion & Nova's situation. I talk about it a little more in the "Misc Lines" section.

Characters

Home has awesome characterization! You have a very strong "show, don't tell" policy going on for the cast. Onyx is the best example of this. While seyr caring attributes are very upfront, seyr lack of self-worth/self-sacrificing nature is only alluded to through most of the story. I believe the only two points where it is clearly stated are during Abel's backstory, and with the reveal of seyr plan at the end. Otherwise, you just catch that side in little glimpses.

("I will burn up along with it.")
("A friend? Other than me? You know you can just tell me the truth... I won't judge."/ "Are you trying to imply that I couldn't possibly have friends other than yourself? The nerve!)
("(I) give Prof. Onyx a hug." / "Sey seems to tense under my touch,{w} but sey quickly relaxes, slowly returning the hug as if sey isn't sure what to do.")

(Picking out these lines, it also made me realize that there's an extra layer to this - Seyr is perfectly fine with Abel making jokes about not being friends/not caring about them. Nothing in seyr behavior seems to suggest that it makes seraph uncomfortable. Sey don't seem very good at hiding when sey feel hurt/worried, so I'm leaning to them at least feeling comfortable with Abel to tease in that way.

That's just a quick example to drive my point home, though. The character writing is strong!

Misc Favorite Lines

"Um... Hoopa also thinks you three are a family!" - Made my heart melt.

"Allehooparing" - Also great. I'm also a sucker for puns.

"She was, of course, furious, and stormed out of the house after a helping of pancakes." - Love little details like Magearna still having pancakes before leaving. Guess they must have healing properties.

"The local Pokemon had thought its source to be from some terrible creature and steered clear of us..." - I love this line because the player now knows that Marshadow do have this terrible reputation around them. But in this case, the scream is not out of danger/it being a perceived threat, but just heartbreak...

"This starts up another exchange between Abel and Mx. Onyx that lasts several minutes until I can't help but burst out into soft giggles." - I love this line because I thought "oooh, old married couple vibes" and immediately after, Orion says the exact same thing

"I'd go so far as to say Onyx and I have grown up together. We're a bit like siblings in that way." - I found this line interesting. I think it's stated pretty clearly toward the end of the game (at least in the bad ending) that the more accurate description is "dearest love." However, I feel like there's a lot of power in the sibling interpretation as well. You've got these two who have grown up together and fought to survive against a hostile world. Then, you see the same thing happening with Nova and Orion, surviving despite the abuse they face, and ultimately being separated in all of the endings. (I assume, even in the true ending, they'd still wind up in foster care.) There's also the potential separation for Onyx & Abel... I don't really know where I'm going with this point, I just think it's a fun parallel, no matter what their relationship is. The mention of "sibling" at this point is just what helped me draw this conclusion.

"Don't you remember what I said... About Abel's family?" & "...Being with Abel made me realize just what a dad is supposed to be like." - These two lines just pair so well together. Chef's kiss.

"And so, I thank you.{w} You are exactly what Abel needed in his life. Thank you for being born." - There is so much to unpack with the Abel backstory, but this line in particular makes me melt and feel cold all at once. You really see Onyx's self-loathing out in full force, here. The Bad Ending demonstrates just how much sey mean to Abel...

"Things changed. It started to feel less like he was my dad... And more like he was my captor." - Again, speaking to those backstory parallels. Love it.

"Astrei Forest seems much brighter as the three of us trek through the wood and underbrush, and I don't think it's only because it's the early morning right now." - It's because when you're with them, you feel like you're at hooooooooomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ;-; Ok, let me write something a little more coherent. I like this point of contrast, because I feel like it's a great way to demonstrate the case you make in your author's notes - home is more about the people than the physical location. In the two, previous major scenes set in the forest, it is established as intimidating/confusing/dangerous. Here, however, it transforms into something more welcoming, thanks to Onyx & Abel.

Overall
I just wanted to say good job with this story! It was an enjoyable read! I even had fun coming through the history while writing this. I picked up on many more details as I did, so I'd definitely recommend this game for multiple playthroughs. (And not just to get all the endings!)

Oh my gosh, thank you so so much for the kind feedback!! It really means a lot to hear how much you enjoyed the game!

I had a lot of fun putting the story together, so to see that you enjoyed it so thoroughly makes me really glad!

Being a sucker for found family/home themes is a BIG MOOD, honestly! They're themes I also end up writing into everything I make; they're just so fun to work with!! They have a lot of potential for deep, immersive stories and work well to tug at people's heartstrings! ~~(Also absolutely feel free to totally ramble on in my DMs if you so wish, you will likely deal critical damage to my heart with your kind words! /lh)~~

Thank you again for your wonderful feedback here; I honestly worried that the lack of visual graphics made the quality of the game suffer a lot, so it's a bit relieving to hear that you still felt it worked well enough on its own! If I had had the time, I would have liked to add some minimal character portraits, but I'm glad that it seems the lack of those wasn't too jarring.

I'm honestly so so glad to hear that you thought the characterization is great!! Characters are what I end up focusing most of my time and thoughts to, so it's really encouraging that you can see that reflected! Onyx definitely got the most attention of the cast; I wanted the "professor" to be a complex, layered character so I ended up working a lot of notes into seyr character. There was even more that I'd actually wanted to include in the story, but because of the time constraint, I had to cut them out. There's some traces of what was taken out in the final product, though, one such note being the brief mention of Onyx having once been an actual teacher.

Abel would also have had a bigger role in things and more lines, as he would have been the one to tell Onyx's story to Orion in the same way Onyx told Abel's. I would have also liked to dig deeper into his mindset and reactions to everything going on, but, again, time constraint!

Regarding Onyx being comfortable with Abel's teasing, yes, that was the implication! I'm glad you picked up on that. Onyx and Abel are such old friends that sey knows Abel's teasing is always meant in good fun, and it's a bit of a running theme for them to banter like that.

Now if someone else were to say something? Hmm, I do wonder what it'd be like, hehe.

Gosh, there's so so much I could say here!

It's an honor that you went back through the game to get all these lines!

Regarding Onyx and Abel's relationship, though I intended to leave it mostly up to the player's interpretation, their relationship is a bit more complex. Although there's definitely some romantic tension between them, neither of them actually try to take a step forward, seemingly comfortable where they currently are. Had I had the time, I would have explored their relationship some more by focusing on just how deep and intimate their relationship is with each other, regardless of whether it's romantic or platonic. If I absolutely had to slap a label on their relationship, I'd say it's somewhat similar to a queerplatonic bond or perhaps soulmates, depending on the person's interpretation.

The parallel between them and Nova + Orion was actually unintended, though it does fit so well.

I'm very glad you noticed the point of contrast with the final line here; it was absolutely my intention to reflect the change in perspective. If I'd had the time, I would have expanded on this by making Astrei Forest even more "homely".

All in all, thank you, again, for your feedback! I'm genuinely so pleased that the story touched you so deeply, and that your experience was a positive one. Although the chapter on home has come to a conclusion as I have no intention of adding or improving aspects of this game, there may or may not be a remake currently in development!! Stay tuned!

Dreamurr Kai · Nov 17, 2022

this was amazing! i found all the endings and it wasn't the type of game i expected but it was amazing!

anoymooose · Feb 4, 2023

how is this pokemon related?

Completed home

ColorMeIn

Lead Dev for "Finding Oneself"

Ekat

That One Guy's GF

ColorMeIn

Lead Dev for "Finding Oneself"

Dreamurr Kai

Rookie

anoymooose

Rookie